As little girls begin to grow up and enter the teen years, many things begin to happen within their physical, emotional, and spiritual makeup.  The beautiful little girl who was once “daddy’s little darling”, always wanting to be the center of mom and dad’s attention,  is now beginning to withdraw from that arena and seek out an audience outside of the home.  The family vacations, the family get-togethers, traveling to and from church together as a family, accompanying dad on any little errand, now becomes a thing of the past for her.  She is seeking her own independence and is possibly becoming friends with many whom mom and dad do not even know.  Her world is changing drastically, and she is moving through it with great speed—-to an unknown destination that may easily scare us as parents!

The issues of a teenage girl differ somewhat from those of a teen male.  Female adolescents tend to mature at a much earlier age than males.  It becomes quite evident that she is blossoming physically, but what we may not see is that she is maturing and changing drastically inside.  Her emotions are in a tailspin as her hormones lend to send her on a journey seeking validation to her many moods.  The adolescent female may now become a target for any male seeking to spend a little time or attention, thus giving her the validation she needs to feel significant.  She may no longer crave the attention from daddy, but she is still desperate for male attention!

Change may appear in the way she now dresses, whether slightly seductive or simply “fashionable” to a degree that mom and dad are not approving of.  Change may become evident in her vocabulary, the amount of time she chooses to spend with the family, and the amount of time she spends on her computer or cell phone while in the home.  School may or may not be as important as it once was.  She may be drifting away from her involvement in sports or other interests that, at one time, were appealing to her.  How do we, as parents, know if all of this change is becoming a serious issue for our beautiful daughter?

When our daughter turned thirteen, I became acutely aware that serious changes had taken place right before my eyes!  Some of those changes were merely signs that she was maturing into that beautiful young lady and approaching the “teen years”.  Some of the noticeable changes that caused me alarm were those afore mentioned regarding her dress and her vocabulary.  She had obviously been hanging around a different crowd and was trying desperately to keep some of her friends away from the family.  The daily argument usually began when she would appear at the breakfast table dressed in attire that was not suitable for school or even on the streets as far as her father and I were concerned.  Being a parent and a therapist, I was fortunate enough to see beyond the façade presented by her and see her need for male attention.

When those changes are no longer representative of the subtle changes that should be presenting, it is time to consider whether your teenage daughter is approaching a danger zone.  The teen years can become like a time of tug-of-war for your girl who longs to follow family values but is struggling to know who she really is.  This is where the need for therapy comes in.  Your attention must be now drawn to keeping her safe from herself until she is comfortable with whom she is and is making good choices for herself.   If counseling is not working, and you see a steady decline in attitude, behaviors, or poor academic success, you should begin to consider whether your teen is in need of a more therapeutic environment.  Being extracted from all the demands of her peers and the common distractions may be the answer for her healing and normal emotional development.   A therapeutic boarding school environment could prove to be the thing that she, as well as your whole family, needs to get through the difficult teen stage.

Wolf Creek Academy is a boarding school for girls where we work with adolescent females struggling with many issues relative to her personal emotional, physical, and spiritual development.  Our certified therapists and qualified staff are available to answer any questions that you may have regarding your beautiful daughter.  Protect her innocent years by being aware of the changes and knowing when they may become more than the normal changes of adolescence.

Dr. Patricia Jones PHD, LCPC, CDVC