One of my college professors consistently preached that “removing roadblocks to learning” was one of my primary tasks as a counselor. He was speaking specifically to those of us who would one day serve as counselors in the public school system. I believe, however, that this wisdom extends beyond just the academic setting. “Learning” does not have to fall solely under the umbrella of education.
Currently, I work as a therapist for “at-risk” youth in a therapeutic boarding school. In this environment, I try to help students learn about themselves, explore their family dynamics, and understand the world around them. Over time, my concept of what the counselor’s role in the therapeutic process should be has evolved—and much of that evolution is a direct result of my experience working with teenage boys in this setting.
Let me begin with the term “at-risk.” One of my recurring frustrations with the counseling profession is the casual use of labels for younger generations, with little thought about how those labels impact a child’s self-perception. The term “at-risk” is particularly frustrating. On some level, all teenagers are at risk. And for that matter, so are preteens. We’re not just counseling, raising, and teaching “at-risk teens”—we’re doing this work with children of all ages.
Most of the young people I work with began diverting from the so-called “right path” well before the age of thirteen. Many parents can attest to noticing defiant behavior or emotional distance from their child at incredibly young ages—even as early as two years old. As they grow, these children may begin engaging in risky behaviors like smoking, breaking curfew, or skipping school—often before they reach their teenage years.
In my professional experience, the onset of middle school—around 6th or 7th grade—is when this divergence becomes most noticeable. Some of the young men I speak with began straying from healthy patterns as early as age eight or nine, depending on their environment, supervision, and access to risky influences.
So, may we kindly drop the “at-risk teen” label? Practically speaking, our kids are always at risk of something, regardless of their age. And each child’s story is different. As a counselor, I often find myself working to break down misconceptions—about themselves, their families, and the world. Many of these young men have convinced themselves that they are permanently broken or incapable of change because of a diagnosis: ADHD, ODD, PTSD, RAD, anxiety, or a neurological condition that was poorly explained to them by a professional.
Often, these students have lost hope. They believe that things can’t change, and worse, that they have no power to change their lives. Sometimes even parents fall into the belief that a pill will fix everything, as though the human element no longer matters. But the truth is, no matter the issue—whether chemical, psychological, or both—there must be a willingness from the client to take ownership: to assess what they can control, to set personal goals, and to take actionable steps toward growth.
This willingness can—and often must—be encouraged by a trusted counselor. Sometimes, that human effort has been buried so deep it takes months of peeling back emotional layers to find it again. Many of the teens I work with have little sense of personal power. They haven’t been taught that they can challenge their irrational thoughts, or that they even have irrational thoughts. Instead, they’ve been led to believe that their diagnosis defines them, and the only solution is medication—no reflection, no effort, just resignation.
In the meantime, they’re suffering. That’s why, in therapy, I ask my clients to claim their stuff. That means becoming more self-aware—through journaling, private reflection, constructive feedback, bibliotherapy, or any tool I can offer. I’ll try anything if it helps a student begin to gain insight. Some therapists from the psychodynamic tradition equate insight with action—that once someone understands their flaws, change follows. But with teenagers, I don’t believe it’s that simple. They need guidance. They need mentors, parents, teachers, pastors—adults who will lead them in the right direction.
Otherwise, our kids grow up rudderless. And when they feel lost, they start turning to each other for answers—peers who are equally unequipped. If I can help a student successfully claim his stuff, then we can begin separating his pain from the pain that belongs to his family. Many of the issues I encounter are relational in nature—tensions with parents, unresolved anger, buried resentment. The student’s behaviors aren’t the problem—they are symptoms of deeper issues.
That’s when the next step begins: working with parents. I encourage them to engage in the same process of self-reflection, to claim their stuff. Healing must involve the whole family. And ideally, they move forward together.
For me, the relationship I build with each student and family is foundational. I’ve been gifted with the ability to connect with teens in a genuine and safe way. One small but powerful example is sports. I love sports and can hold my own with most teens who come through our doors. Time and again, I see how this builds respect—not just because of athletic ability, but because I’m spending time with them. One of my favorite pastors says, “You spell love like this: T-I-M-E.” And he’s right.
Teens are incredibly observant. They’re watching how we live, how we treat them, how we speak—or stay silent. Every choice we make around them sends a message. And when a teen senses that an adult is genuinely willing to listen, without judgment or pretense, they often respond with surprising openness and trust.
Ultimately, that means I must meet each student where he is. Counseling, at its heart, is about the student—his story, his misconceptions, his strengths. My role is to be an encouraging guide, a steady and trustworthy presence, a fellow human being walking beside him. When teens begin to believe in that relationship—when they trust the adult who shows up for them—that is when true growth begins.
Over and over again in this work, I’ve found that when I give respect, I receive it. Even with so-called “at-risk” teens.
Something to ponder.
Wolf Creek Academy Therapist
